Choosing To Stay

I’ve been stepping into a new beginning lately, what I’ve been calling my post-mission refinery.

Even with a strong testimony, my faith has felt a little quieter than usual. The Spirit has been harder to recognize. God’s love has felt harder to feel. Staying at church has taken more effort than normal, and sometimes even the simple act of believing He’s listening to my prayers has felt like work.

That’s kind of hard to admit.

I’ve always been a good multitasker, but I’m realizing this isn’t something I can rush or juggle. I need to take one small, intentional step at a time.

This week, while we were at the temple for wedding pictures, it hit me that I hadn’t been there in months. I hadn’t done anything deliberate to distance myself. I was still praying. Still believing. But somewhere along the way, I think I let a quiet shame creep in, like I wasn’t quite good enough to be there.

And that simply isn’t true.

So right now, I’m practicing grace. Real grace. The kind that doesn’t rush healing or demand perfection.

I’m reminding myself every day that I am a daughter of God.

I’m looking for His hand in my ordinary, everyday life. In the safety, the timing, the people, the small tender mercies I might otherwise overlook.

I’m realizing how lucky I am to even know these things.

How lucky am I to still find hope, even when doubt tries to be louder?

How lucky am I to have quiet, beautiful moments in the middle of a loud life?

How lucky am I to let go of something that maybe was never meant for me, and trust that His plan still is?

How lucky am I to feel held together and joyful on days when I otherwise would have felt scattered?

How lucky am I to know the truth of Him and His love, even if the feeling sometimes feels distant?

Maybe faith isn’t always fireworks. Maybe sometimes it’s just choosing to stay. Choosing to believe. Choosing to remember.

So, dear reader, if you’re in a quiet season too, hang in there. Feelings ebb and flow, but truth doesn’t. Light always finds its way back in. Keep showing up. Keep praying. Keep giving yourself grace.

Things do get brighter.

And don’t forget how lucky you are.